Archives

Every entry, oldest first. The whole book, text and read-aloud audio on one page, is the complete edition.

2005

I Was Merely a Dupe and a Fool. May 13
Inside the Beltway May 13
According to Plan May 13
Adult Concerns May 13
Privy to the Patterns May 13
Drunken Pub Crawl May 13
Crawling Forward Together May 13
The Blimp May 13
Bike Messenger May 13
Pre-Internet in a Big Way May 13
Washington Summers May 13
Capitol Hill was Open Door May 13
Security Eats Away May 13
Insidious Security Model May 13
Buddy in the Business May 13
False-Positives May 13
In Washington Nobody is Truly Private Sector May 13
Spies are Everywhere May 13
Emergent Systems May 13
We Have Outsourced Evolution to Culture May 13
Bee Hives and Ant Colonies May 13
Hives Cannot be Controlled Outright May 13
Washington was Planned May 13
Washington is Rife with Intrigue May 13
Gaunt and Exhausted May 13
All Bezel and Links May 13
In One Deft Motion May 13
Shower Gel in the Bathroom May 13
I Was a Haole May 13
Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps May 13
Class A’s on Thursdays May 13
Being a Young Cadet May 13
I Want to Be An Airborne Ranger May 13
Exit, Stage Left May 13
A Code of Silence May 13
Us Cadets May 13
A Fresh Clip of Ammo into the Chamber May 13
Spetsnaz-Trained Special Forces Operatives May 13
Hazing May 13
A Bite to Eat at Zack’s May 13
Zack’s is Small and Dark May 13
Situational and Locational Drinking May 13
The Chameleon About Me May 13
Ceding My Food Choice May 13
A Spidey Sense May 13
Fucking Haole May 13
City Rules of Engagement May 13
Fire Can Lick Behind These Eyes May 13
Photographers are Allowed to Look Deeply May 13
Emerson’s Invisible Eye May 13
Some Really Fucked Up Stuff May 13
An Easy Mark May 13
Ants Don’t Exist as Individuals May 13
Buy All Your Clothes from the Gap May 13
Influencing the Experiment’s Outcome May 13
There is No Such Thing as a Free Lunch May 13
Crack-Addled Lab Rat May 13
No Longer Amused with Clever May 13
Doctor, Lawyer, CEO, Politician, Priest, Teacher, Capitalist, Investment Banker May 13
Fancying Myself So Clever May 13
Myself, My New Wife, and My Future Children May 13
Sour Grapes May 13
To Quell Unrest and to Avoid Widespread Panic May 13
Nobody Gives a Fuck May 13
Quite Talented May 13
Dosed on Acid May 13
All the Shapes and Colors Around Me May 13
People Recognize Patterns May 13
Pervert or Kidnapper May 13
Hiding in Plain Sight May 13
Exactly the Opposite May 13
The Lovers My Lovers Have Had May 13
Change Isn’t Always Good May 13
It Takes a Village to Raise a Holy Man May 13
I Do My Kegels May 13
Bumbling Around May 13
Swirling Balls of Energy and Light May 13
ID and Passport May 13
False Name May 13
Only Your Failures May 13
Full of Pride and Hunger May 13
Catch-22 May 13
Memory of a Simpler Time and a Better Woman May 13
The Suggestion of the Thing is the Thing May 13
The World’s Baby’s Daddy May 13
Mutates Base Constructs May 13
The Sea is a Mean Bitch May 18
She Seems Gentle But it is Life or Death May 18
Spotting Enemy May 18
Silent Movement May 18
Kung Fu Movies May 18
Taking Evasive Maneuvers May 18
Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo May 18
The Painter May 19
Phony Francophone Lecher May 19
If You’re Going to Fuck Them, Make It Feel Good May 19
Dirty Hippy Backpacker Cum Spy May 23
A Backpack, Hiking Boots, Secret Pockets, Pouch Pockets May 23
Joe Average May 23
All The Operators I Know Are Average Height May 23
Bar Spies May 23
Pecking Order Amongst Spies Jun 13
The Motivation Behind Becoming a Government-Sponsored Spy Jun 13
We Both Wanted to be James Bond Jun 13
Cover, Concealment, and Camouflage Jul 2
Hiding in Plain Sight Jul 2
The Most Important Skill in Hunting is Patience Jul 2
The Most Important Skill for a Sniper is Patience Jul 2
The Most Important Skill in Spying is Patience Jul 2
Cap Hill Camo Jul 5
All This Stuff Jul 5
Don’t I Know You? Jul 22
Be Discreet in All Things, and So Render it Unnecessary to be Mysterious Jul 25
The Panopticon Has Cataracts Jul 25
Technology is 30-Years Ahead of Now Jul 26
Pyrite Jul 27
Doctors Have Been Known to Lose Patients Jul 27
Infinite Loop and Core Dump Aug 2
Breathing Into A Brown Paper Sack Aug 2
Wet Pillow Aug 2
Sousveillance and the Sousveiller Aug 3
A Cigar is Never a Cigar Aug 5
Charm is Never Incidental Aug 5
Struggle or Play Dead Aug 5
The Wives I Fuck in Dark Motel Rooms Aug 6
Star-Nosed Mole (Condylura cristata cristata) Aug 6
Olly Olly Oxen Free Aug 9
The Mata Hari Syndrome Aug 9
Open Season on Going Through His Shit Aug 9
Serendipity & Coincidence Aug 10
Little Kids in Langley Protect National Security Aug 15
Secrets are Kept Every Day Aug 17
The iPod as Listening Device Nov 20
The Best Spy is an Introvert Nov 21
Toppling Governments (And Souls) Using the Seven Deadly Sins Nov 21
Good Things Come to Those Who Wait Dec 20
Making Sausage Versus Sausage Making Dec 28
Constant Peace Through Constant War Dec 31

2006

It Takes Two to Be Discreet Nov 23
It Takes Two to Keep a Secret Nov 23
How to Cheat on Your Spouse or Significant Other Nov 23
Stay Home on New Year’s Eve Dec 31

2008

Upon Moving to Berlin May 1
Public Relations is Newspeak for Propaganda May 5
When Business Intelligence and Spycraft Meet May 10
How well do you really know someone? Dec 14
Making a Spy in a Poor Multicultural City is Tough Dec 21

2009

Spies are Everywhere May 24
Spies Can Be More Couch Potato Than Action Hero Jul 6

2010

Hapless Fools are Decoys Dec 16

2011

Wearing Down Jun 19

2012

Your Spy is Never Who You Think by Design Mar 29

2013

Bribery, Blackmail, and Coercion Jul 19

2015

Even Spies Are Recruited By Headhunters Nov 12

2019

You’ve got to be kidding me May 29
And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars May 30
Loneliness kills Jun 3
I don’t know if sharpshooting has anything to do with the eyes Jun 12
False Name Jun 16
Little Grey Men Jun 17

2020

2021

Trump’s Atrocities Were Never Actualities Jan 22
J’existe Jan 22
The Burble and Pop of Distant Fireworks Jan 22
President of Half the Country Jan 22
Othering Jan 22
The Double Standard Jan 22
μετάνοια Jan 22
How Atrocious Was January Sixth Actually? Jan 22
Censorship is Other People Jan 22
Molehill Jan 22
Traumatizationability Jan 22
Is right wing radicalization a recruitment or a seduction? Jan 26
How about this as a baseless Novel Coronavirus theory? Jan 26
Our secrets are our sickness Jan 27
Killing Fox News to save the soul of America from itself Feb 6
Can one spend a country out of systemic racism? Feb 8
With no evidence Feb 8
Can you dismantle the master’s home with reparations Feb 8
Should America open its borders like other countries? Apr 12
Nobody at all actually cares about raping or pillaging Apr 12
Nobody gets killed over expired tags or a broken taillight Apr 19
Going to war to save Afghani women Apr 20
Ceci n’est pas une pipe May 13
Don’t come at someone panicking head on May 26
When a coup isn’t, what is it? May 27
Germans made Hitler; Americans make Trump Jul 4
Is anti-racism anti-assimilation Jul 4
If anti-racism rejects default culture what’s embraced instead? Jul 4
Whatever happened to code-switching? Jul 4
Raising a Trump flag or poster isn’t about Donald Trump anymore Jul 4
Trump is just the pupu platter Jul 4
Useful idiots Jul 4
The only reason to go offworld is for remittance money Jul 7
January 6th was the worst American Reichstag Fire ever Jul 8
History is always subjective Jul 9
Folks know that guns are for killing humans Jul 9
Loutish German soccer hooligans singing soccer shanties. Jul 12
Aegrescit medendo Aug 10
It’s a terrible time to be a climate activist Aug 13
Stop using girls and women as political props Aug 14
Are you actually pro free speech and pro democracy? Aug 14
Germany is always either extremely Fascist or Antifaschistische Aug 14
Nazis and Wokies Sitting in a Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G Aug 14
Déjà Afghanistan Aug 15
Graveyard of empires Aug 15
Train thy enemy Aug 15
NPR Warhawks Aug 15
Darkness Will Engulf the World! Aug 16
How will the Taliban fly the left behind Blackhawks? Aug 22
Look at how women in Afghanistan are treated! Outrageous! Aug 23
Still Saving Pagan Babies in 2021 Aug 24
America could win the Afghan war with crimes against humanity Aug 27
Biden blames Trump for Not Getting Marines Killed? Aug 27
To Tell the Afghanistan Truth Aug 28
Donald Trump was the worst Adolf Hitler ever Sep 1
Red, blue, black, brown, yellow, red, pink, rainbow Sep 4
Did America completely brain drain Afghanistan? Sep 6
Too early to be grateful Sep 6
Dear illogical talking heads on the brink of two decades post-9/11 Sep 6
Repent sinner Sep 10
Authoritarianism for public safety is still authoritarianism Sep 10
Nobody cares about climate change nearly enough Sep 15
When “Nazi!” is no longer a kill shot Sep 18
Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide Sep 19
Yelling fire in a crowded theater Oct 3
Friends feeding frenzy Oct 7
Ivermectin Oct 7
Don’t ever let the people think for themselves Oct 10
It’s the invisible hand Oct 22
The Press is doing a Lazarus Oct 30
The progressive pendulum is swinging right Nov 2
Eat me, Drake equation Nov 4
The hill they’re willing to die on Nov 4
A lifetime on the hips Nov 8
Critical race theory Nov 8
Gun v fist Nov 11
Dear activists Nov 11
Justifiable homicide Nov 20
Redeeming your enemy’s heroes Nov 20
The state of American vigilantism Nov 22
Nerds are never really cool even if they’re the elected leaders Nov 26
Noble lie Dec 3
The Trauma Wars Dec 14
Everything dies baby that’s a fact Dec 21

2022

Actual weapons systems are 30 years in the future Jan 10
How climate mitigation will actually work Jan 13
The Hague Jan 25
Booster Shot Jan 25
Nikita Khrushchev’s Cold War The Musical Jan 26
Embargoes and Sanctions Jan 27
Wrong speech Jan 28
Maus Jan 29
Spotify 451 Jan 30
Americans immune to being called Nazis Feb 1
Covid modalities Feb 1
Do I really think that Russia isn’t a bad actor? Feb 12
How fucked is Germany right now? Feb 12
Not even one dirty bomb in 72 years is suspicious Feb 14
I’m not remotely an enemy of Russia or Putin Feb 17
The slave would rise in rebellion Feb 19
Consensus reality generators Feb 20
These are the buds of the socialist spring Feb 22
Are we the world, are we the children? Feb 28
Vainglory Mar 2
Slavs don’t grok articles in English Mar 2
Killing’s come a long way since 1945 Mar 20
Dear Powers-that-Be May 1
Free speech isn’t equitable speech May 3
Decriminalize crime May 5
Ukraine brainwashing May 5
Populist democracy versus constitutional republic May 7
Sacrifice for the collective May 9
Chest seals in your go bag May 10
Disinformation Governance Board May 11
Gun crimes always drive gun sales in America May 29
Twenty percent of Americans trust their government Jun 2
Total retribution Jun 2
Ashli Babbitt Jun 9
America’s fragile democracy Jun 9
Fighting firearms with firearms Jun 11